Everything I need to know I learned from Indian TV

1. At any time of day and provided you have cable, you will be able to find Amitabh Bachchan, the biggest classic movie actor and one of the most famous faces in Bollywood, on at least two channels. Shah Rukh Kahn, Bollywood’s current big name, might found on at least one channel, even if it’s just in a commercial for satellite TV.

2. Celebrities are so big in India that they regularly are featured in “breaking news” segments. One day, the news included a piece on whether Salman Khan’s biggest nemesis was Shah Rukh Kahn or Aamir Khan (yes, all of the most famous contemporary actors have similar last names but are unrelated). Actors are such a big deal here that their opinions are listened to and considered seriously when they are expressed on politics, society, or other current events – to the point that these opinions often make front page news. (Actors are so big, in fact, that scandals don’t affect their careers. People still love Salman Kahn, despite the fact that he has, in the past, been involved in domestic violence, the hunting of an endangered species of deer, and the killing of a pedestrian while driving drunk.)

3. The two most prevalent beauty concerns for women are achieving fair skin and preventing “hair fall.” At least one commercial per break involves some kind of cream that promises to fade freckles and to “brighten” skin tone up to two full shades. The brands are all ones that I’m familiar with at home: Garnier, Dove, Pond’s. They promise skin that will bring you fame, love, and beauty. When I went to a drug store to buy shower gel, the woman working there tried to sell me a lightening cream – because she immediately noticed that I have freckles! Imagine what Indians would think of Americans’ obsession with skin tanning products.

I’m not so sure why advertisements for hair products are so focused on women losing their hair. I suppose that because long, thick hair is highly valued in women, losing a few strands in a hair brush can lead to the worry that one is losing a ton of hair. I do wonder if “hair fall” can more likely be attributed to poor nutrition, rather than what products are being used – which can be contributed to a diet that is more Western (read: abundant amounts but low nutrient value, such as McDonald’s). As with skin lightening creams, all the major brands are taking advantage of this primarily female concern: Pantene, Dove, and Garnier especially.

4. Good wives wait at home, doing the cooking and cleaning, while the husband goes out to work and lives the high life with friends and colleagues. Modern-day India apparently is a lot like the U.S. in the ‘50’s.

There is a type of cooking oil called Husband’s Choice, the idea for which is that it includes important nutrients for the male body – because, of course, a woman will be cooking for her husband and all the male members of the family, and it is her priority to keep them all healthy. (On a related note, oils are so highly valued as a source of nutrients in the Indian diet that they get their own group in the four food groups: fruits and vegetables; beans, meat, and dairy; grains and pulses; and oils and nuts.)

5. In stark contrast, the young women of Bollywood bare a lot of naked skin and often act silly and brainless – kind of like many young women in Hollywood. Instead of the glamorous actresses of yesteryear in saris or embellished kurtas, contemporary actresses wear tube tops, miniskirts, and stilettos. That may not sound too terrible, but in a culture where women are expected to dress modestly, men stare at them anyway, and to talk about sex is still fairly taboo, the move to “Westernize” Bollywood actresses in a stereotypical way does nothing but perpetuate the idea that Western women are loose and stupid – and so now, too, are these Bollywood actresses. To further emphasize the stereotype, female actors speak in higher-pitched voices, punctuated with giggles. (Men speak in deep voices, to emphasize their masculinity.)

6. I love watching infomercials (no matter where I am), and my favorite one here is for jewelry that is meant to deflect the evil eye. I always thought the evil eye was an old wives’ tale, but I guess here in India, people really believe it exists – and that you can inflict it upon someone without meaning to. How it seems to work, according to the infomercial, is that when someone compliments you (or your child or your new business), their hidden jealousy manifests itself as the evil eye, which then afflicts the person with ill health, an accident or fire at their place of business, or some other incidence of bad luck. The infomercial sells a set of jewelry with a large glass bead of varying shades of blue, which includes a bracelet, necklace, and amulet (to hang in a room) – all of which are “scientifically” guaranteed to keep off the evil eye. For just under Rs. 3,000 (US $60), you, too, can have a lovely glass pendant to protect you from, well, everyone. (Actually, I think it’s really pretty and would buy one on a necklace if I saw someone selling it for, say, Rs. 200.)